first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
