she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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