You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
