I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
