i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
