I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
