after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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