My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
