I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
