Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
