You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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