it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
