Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize