i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
