O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
