The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
