Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
