my mouth tastes like poor choices
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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