he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
