when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
