i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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