did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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