so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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