We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
