I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
