you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
