This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you didnt know i had herpes?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
