he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
