i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
