You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
