I puked a lego.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
