Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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