Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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