I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
