My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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