That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
