Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
