My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
