All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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