she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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