I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i will never coherently bang her
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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