this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
