Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
