i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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