If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i now understand why vodka
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
