fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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