Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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