this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
