I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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