i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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