dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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