Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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