cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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