I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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