I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
