Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
