Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
