my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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