Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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