You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
