Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
