Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
