somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
