My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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