My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize