we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
