Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
