good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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