I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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