i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
