ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
