dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
