I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
