So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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