Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
