My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...