i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.