Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
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i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.