im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.