shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I need water and some morals
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