why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.