He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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