I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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