was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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