right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
