Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
