Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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