walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
