You just made me feel so damn special
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
