awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
