I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
