I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
