I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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