I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
