Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
