im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
