I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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