you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
