just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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