when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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