Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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