I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
