He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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